in the dead of night

or really 5 am, I’m wide the fuck awake. I’ve been awake since 3. I thought that getting rid of a huge stress creator in my life might allow me to, oh, sleep better? Apparently not.

Might just be an age thing. Joy!

One of the many things I need to work on now is getting over this insane jealousy from seeing friends who, as they present themselves on line, seem to have these amazeballs lives.

Because I still see myself as a huge failing loser over not being able to find a full time job, I am equating that to not being able to have nice things, not being able to spend money, not being able to go places.

Therefore, anyone who is able to do those things must be better than me and obviously is doing adulting better than I am.

Oh. I guess that’s whats keeping me up.

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